Hugh had his first day at a little preschool last week and I don’t think either one of us was having a hard time about it.
They say it gets a little bit easier to let go the more kids you have, but I think I’m just here to say that our kids are all different. Some are easier to figure out than others.
Some want to fight you on every. single. issue.
Some want to do anything to please you, regardless of whether their heart is really in it.
Some are givers.
Some are takers.
And some would rather break into your toiletries and spread tampons all over the house.
Hugh has taught me not to get stale in my parenting. He’s also taught me to seek the throne and lately it’s gone something like this…
Lord, you know I’m tired. Not physically tired, just emotionally spent from trying to understand a child whom I don’t understand. But there’s a reason you made me his mom and you must see something in both of us that’s good for each other, so help me find what that is and reach his heart. Help me celebrate his strengths and cultivate his weaknesses. Help me not worry about how I’m going to handle tomorrow, or even the next couple of hours…help me in the next couple of minutes.
On the first day of school I slicked back his hair with some of Steven’s hair gel and I filled a backpack with his little lunch of peanut butter and jelly, a cheese stick, and a banana. I also filled it with animals, because he has to go everywhere holding one in each hand. He was so proud of his hair that he kept looking at himself in the mirror with a grin. When we went outside and he insisted on wearing the backpack, he fell right over! The kids have half days on Wednesdays so I actually picked them up first and then we all went to go get Hugh together. I peeked into his room just to see how he was doing before we let him know we were there, and there’s alllllll the other 2-year-olds calmly sitting or standing, no doubt tired from 3.5 hours of play, and then there’s Hugh. He’s pushing around two huge toys like a busy worker bee and looking around for more things to pile on top. He looked completely in his element and I just had to die laughing.
Shiloh snapped this one of he and I together. It’s classic. I’m trying desperately to hold onto him and give him a hug, and he’s squirming and trying to escape across the parking lot. I once tested him at a park to see if there was a point at which he would stop running away, turn around, and come back.
Hugh, I love you. We are so different from each other, but I feel God working on us. Every year it does get a little bit easier. Not because I’ve had more experience and you’re the fourth and I’m more comfortable in my role as a mother. But because I’m completely out of my comfort zone with you and God is using that to show me things I never would have seen if I was on auto pilot feeding you yogurt. I am being forced to rethink how I do everything I’ve ever done before.
He sifts us like wheat.
And refines us like gold.
Thanks for doing your part.